The many faces of a mother

 

The birth of a child changes your life in ways that you can't predict. Not only does a new loved one come into your life, but many things change, both on a daily basis and spiritually. Your heart may be filled with unprecedented love, but at the same time, many other feelings and reflections are often true.

Mother, wife, spouse,... or is it just me?

My husband and I were expecting a child for a long time over a decade ago. What I remember most about the family coaching session back then is how well-known psychiatrist Jari Sinkkonen was asked in a video what changes after having a child. He replied that absolutely everything in life changes.

As a young, clueless woman expecting her first child, I wondered if that was really the case. In addition to my role as a mother, I wanted to hold on tightly to my other roles in life, such as my role as a spouse, friend, and loved one. I thought, and actually still think, that they were as much a part of life as motherhood and parenthood.

After the birth of my child, reality hit me pretty hard and nothing I had experienced before could have prepared me for my new life as a parent. I had worked with children and families and thought I knew a little about what was going on when it came to baby and child care. However, it wasn't until my own child was born that I really realized how many new variables there were in life now. There was the same amount of time as before, but dividing it between everything important and loved had turned into quite a slalom course overnight.

As dear and important a role as motherhood was to me, I still missed all my other roles in life. Above all, I wanted to be seen as myself, the same Päivä, whose one new role in life was now being a mother.

Finding balance

Most often, major changes in life require adaptation and rearrangement, no matter how joyful, desired and beloved they are. Sometimes balance is easily found and the new everyday life settles into place painlessly, as if by itself. Equally common, however, is that the situation requires searching.

Very often you hear how everyone has the same 24 hours a day. In the same breath, you are reminded how important it is, even in a family with children, to take care of your own fitness and well-being in addition to work, get enough sleep, do hobbies, take time for yourself and give it to your potential partner, arrange time for a relationship and sex should also be there somewhere in between. All important things, but 24 hours in a day sounds like a pretty short time for all of this, when you also have a child(ren) and everyday chores to take care of.

We at Erotic Time definitely recommend making time for erotica, but it is also important to remember to be kind to yourself and to life. Every person, situation and potential relationship is different. Sex and erotica should never be just one thing on a list of mandatory things to do, but at best a resource that carries you through difficult times. Sexuality accompanies a person throughout life and does not disappear, even if it momentarily appears differently.

It is important to think about what kind of things are important to you, your family and your potential partner at this moment and how you can reconcile them in the best possible way. Some areas may be given less attention for the moment, but there will come a time when things will be different.

Madonna and other roles of women

For those who identify as women, femininity accompanies them even on the edge of the sandbox and in the waves of the worst rush hour. For some, femininity can be condensed into being a mother, and the experience of motherhood can be very empowering.

Others feel that their femininity and sexuality are buried under the demands of motherhood and everyday life, and under the role of a mother. Running a daily life takes up all their time and energy, and there is no other option but to push their own needs aside.

This is certainly partly due to the fact that women have traditionally been seen as either nurturing, maternal figures or desirable, lustful women. Combining these roles is not necessarily always without problems, both in everyday life and in thought.

Feminine glow can be far away in your mind when your clothes smell like shit and it's been more time than you can remember since your last good night's sleep. But it's there, and it won't disappear, even if you have to step aside for a moment. On the other hand, sometimes it's in the middle of those shitty clothes that it can be good to see yourself as wonderful, desirable, perfect and whole in every way.

In front of the new, again

Life is a constant process of growth and change as a parent and as a person. Children grow up, situations change, everyday life becomes smooth and sometimes challenging. There are phases that pass and people that stay in your life from one phase to the next.

Clichéd, my child has raised their parents and has already grown up to be a young person. I am facing a new one again. What is motherhood like when a young person takes small steps towards independence and needs their parents less and less?

At this point I could say that it's a little sad, but wonderful! It feels good to have more space and time to be myself, whatever that means. There's more room in life for spontaneity and you don't have to plan every moment so carefully.

Other roles in life have a little more room to exist and be noticed.