Sex or sexuality?

Sometimes you hear people talking about sexuality when in reality they mean sexual acts, or sex. Sex and sexuality often go together and sex is a part of sexuality, but as concepts they do not mean the same thing. Roughly speaking, sexuality is being, while sex is actions.

Sexuality is part of being human.

Sexuality is a part of every person from the cradle to the grave, and it cannot be separated from the rest of being human. The existence of sexuality does not depend, for example, on how one expresses one's sexuality or whether one engages in sex in any form during one's life. Sexuality includes, among other things, biological sex, physicality, gender identity and gender roles, and sexual orientation.

Everyone has the right to define or not define aspects of their own sexuality. Sexuality is also not an unchanging thing, but changes over time, just like other human characteristics. However, changes are not conscious decisions, and it is not possible to influence them, especially from the outside, for example by persuasion or pressure.

Sex is about pleasure

Sex includes thoughts, feelings, or actions that arouse and give sexual pleasure or enjoyment. Sex does not require a partner or even necessarily touch. For example, phone sex, fantasies, solo sex, and caressing your partner's genitals with your fingers or a sex toy are all just as good, valuable, and enjoyable ways to have sex as penetrative sex. Sex is much more than intercourse and penetration, and sex does not necessarily involve the use of a penis, sex toy, or other device in any bodily opening. However, everyone defines sex in their own way. For some, even kissing can be an extremely pleasurable experience and sex can be just as pleasurable as other acts that produce sexual pleasure, while for others, kissing is a more neutral and less erotically charged way.

It is good to examine one's own attitudes and perceptions. Even today, people talk a lot about foreplay and "real sex," which usually means intercourse. This way of thinking is harmful in that it perpetuates the idea that intercourse, or penetrative sex in general, is superior to other forms of sex. Pleasure is pleasure, regardless of the means by which it is obtained and given. The journey is also often more important than the destination, and the journey can be very enjoyable even if it does not always (or at all) end in orgasm. You can get satisfying pleasure from sex without aiming for orgasm. This actually often relieves you of any pressure to perform and thus even makes it easier to have an orgasm.

Sex must always be consensual.

There is no real right or wrong way to enjoy sex, your own body, and the closeness of your potential partner (or partners). The only real restrictions on the realization of your sexuality are Finnish law and the fact that sex must always be consensual. For example, a person who is asleep or otherwise unconscious cannot give consent, in which case the situation is considered rape.

You have the right to refuse anything or stop the situation altogether at any time, even if you initially agreed to it. Communication during sex is important, as the situation can easily develop without you noticing in a direction where you assume your sexual partner wants the same things as you do. Of course, this is not always the case, and it is good to check with your partner from time to time to ensure that you agree to continue the situation. Even before sex, it can be a good idea to agree together on a safe word or other signal that will immediately stop the situation. Otherwise, the word “no” must always be respected.

Sex doesn't have to be a part of life at any point.

Many people choose to live without sex their entire lives. This is just as normal as wanting to have sex alone, with two, three, or even with multiple partners.

Many people who have no sexual desire at all or only a little sexual desire for other people identify as asexual. Every person and situation is different, and asexuals' attitudes towards sex vary greatly depending on the person. Some asexuals have sex alone or with a partner, but do not particularly desire sex in their lives. Many also have a neutral or even negative attitude towards sex.

Asexuality does not mean that you do not feel any attraction to other people. For example, an asexual can experience romantic attraction to any gender and desire or be in a relationship or polyamorous relationship. An asexual, like other people, can also be aromantic, meaning that they feel no or very little romantic attraction to other people.

Sexual counseling to help you reflect on your own sexuality

At any stage of life, there may be situations where you are concerned about your own sexuality. Sexuality lives and grows with a person, but sometimes it can be difficult to adapt to changes. When you are on the verge of something new, you may need professional help and advice to deal with the situation.

At Erotiikan Aja, we also offer sexual counseling services, as our entrepreneur Armi is a trained sexual counselor. Feel free to contact us if you would like to book a time for a discussion.

Best regards, Erotica Time Day